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So, I was going through my hella old files from my family PC and putting them in my external HD for sentimental purposes (I have a hard time deleting stuff, even if they’re insignificant). Then I came across the folder of art that people have shown me or sent me over the years. I got all excited and thought, “Oh! I bet there’s a bunch of art in here that people would kill me for if I displayed them now!” And yes, I did find some awesome old drawings from old friends. But then I came across a couple drawings from old friends that I haven’t been able to get in touch with for a very long time. There were actually a lot from this one dude that I used to admire and look up to. He made this manga called Elemental Legends and I don’t really remember much of how the story goes, but I remembered I was really impressed back in middle school and thought it was so cool. I have a lot of the character sheets and random drawings from this manga story that he sent me so long ago. I haven’t talked to him since… Freshman year of high school? Wow. So I thought about trying to find him again. No luck searching his name, but just by luck, I saw him using a username sort of name on one of his photos and I searched that and I think I found his Xanga and Blogspot. If not, then that’s embarrassing. But I’m kinda hoping that it is him cuz he was a pretty chill guy to talk to if I remember correctly. And I wonder if he still draws. I wonder what happened with Elemental Legends. I wonder if I seem like a creepy weirdo. Ahaha, I hope not, I’m just trying to see what’s up with some people I used to talk with.

Silent Night

I’m such a dumbass. I FINALLY understand how the sales closing works. Well, sorta. There’s still a lot of things I don’t understand, but now, I can get through most of the crap that goes on. Anyway, the lunch and dinner shortage and overage should balance out to zero if you have to take out lunch deposit. But it was left as $49.75 short and I didn’t really realize this until I was driving home and then I was like, “Wait… That’s not right.” Then I went home and tried to make sense of it all and then I found the mistake. For some reason, the $50 gift certificate used at lunch didn’t go through in the total. Now it all makes sense and it’s just off by a quarter!

…Okay, that was really insignificant for all of you, BUT I FEEL SO LIBERATED cuz I figured it all out!

Well, work today was pretty boring. I should’ve left early. There was only one reason why I didn’t leave early and that reason didn’t even work out.

I want to buy a Zune. Well, my mom did kinda give me some money to get a Zune. I want to get a customized one, but I dunno if it’s worth getting a Zune. The only reason why iPod would be cool is because the iPod has so many accessories. Hm… I still really like the Zune. I want the AC charger and car audio jack (and possibly the car charger). And maybe the Zune speaker, but that shit is expensive. Oh what to do. I suppose I’ll wait until New Years. I know I won’t get much money though.

I’m having so much fun organizing my computer and putting things on my external HD and erasing them off of my laptop. Man, I just freed up 2 gigs. That’s awesome.

And now I should go to bed.

Nanchitte

I’m addicted to Radwimps. Man.

I bought this hella awesome shirt the other day at Pacsun. It’s green with some technical audio stuff on it and I decided to paint the lead singer of Radwimps over it. It’s looking pretty sweet except I think I have to add the rest of the band or add something else on the shirt cuz the singer is just in the corner of the shirt. You know what, I’ll just take a picture of it. It’ll make more sense.

I haven’t finished his face yet cuz I can’t seem to get the nose right on paper.

Anyway, I’m pretty excited about this shirt. I haven’t totally decided whether I’m keeping it for myself or not. *Sigh* I can’t seem to paint well on girl’s shirts. And this shirt is kinda big. : ( Damnit.

Last Christmas

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

This Christmas is even less holiday-ish than the last. I gave away a present to each person, whether I knew them or not, yesterday at the Christmas party and I only got one. But it’s not about how much I got. The looks on people’s faces when they saw that I got them something while they didn’t even think of getting me anything was pretty priceless. The phone call I got yesterday also was the best and worst of all. I haven’t given up on him yet and I don’t want to. Fuuuuuck.

I have work tomorrow. Damn. And I’m supposed to go out iceskating too. Double damn. I want to sleep in.

Halt

I think I’m gonna have to give it up.

Damnit. I really thought I liked you and I probably do. But reality sucks and I realize that it’s just not happening. Besides, you’re a popular guy and you’re unaware of my crush for you, so I know it’ll be alright.

I hope we can still hang out and be friends.

Love From,
That One Girl

Revive

Damn, Dragon Ash and Radwimps are rapidly growing in my list of most listened to songs on WinAmp.

And ahhhh motherland, I’m supposed to be up in 5 hours to go shopping with my dad in Japantown and buy a bunch of mangas. :( But I’ve been up drawing a Christmas card.

Kiseki

Today, six-billions of people…
Are breathing… Feeling… And living…
Today, fifty-hundreds of children…
Are starving… Fearing… And dying…
~Kiseki by Radwimps

I love this song. It’s really sad to listen to, but it’s about how we live without even caring about those who want to live, but are unable to and how we take life for granted. It’s very true.

It makes me want to start a comic like HERO. It’s a really good comic, one of my favorite unpublished comics. It doesn’t make much sense, but that’s exactly what draws me in.

Chi and I are gonna finally start our damn Ocha Manga site. Just to get me practicing with manga drawing, we’re starting with a shoujo manga. It’s pretty cliche, but I just need a short story to get some experience. Main character’s name is Kinpa, primary male character is Kaishin (…Yes, he’s named after my cell phone), the secondary character’s name is either Ryo or Kyo, and the secondary female character will be Shuurin. I’m sure there’s already a J-drama with the same storyline, but that’s okay. Then we’ll be scanlating some mangas. It’ll be awesome.

I watched the season finale of Survivor: China. This season… Ugh, it’s been disappointing. But I still love Survivor. I’m glad that Todd won instead of the other two. They didn’t do anything and Amanda’s just full of bullshit. And Denise, what a fucking joke. She said she didn’t get her job back as a lunchlady when she got home, but the thing is, the school gave her a promotion because she asked for it before she left and gave her a raise and gave her the job when she came back. And duh, Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst are really awesome and really care about each contestant, so it’s obvious that something would’ve been given to Denise with a tear-jerking story like that. I really hope Denise gives back that $50,000 dollars or else I’ll lose all respect for her and I will regard her as the lowest of all Survivor contestants in history. At least the other people did what they did to get them a better chance of winning the game, but she made a ridiculous lie like that AFTER the game was done. That’s absolutely disgusting.

Anyway, I’m starting to fill out a Survivor application. :) I know I’m not 21, but if they’re gonna let Frosti play (he’s 20), then I’m gonna fucking apply for the hell of it. It’s actually a lot of fun to fill in. I wonder what I should do for my audition tape.

Thursday, I’m going karaoke with a bunch of awesome people! Chi, Leah, and I are of course going, but we’ve also invited Kiyomi, Gi-Su, and Toshiya-san! :) I’m so excited! I know Gi-Su and Toshiya-san are really good at singing, so I’ll have to try my best too.

I have work tomorrow… Bleh. It’s been really slow lately, so I hope I’ll be able to go home early tomorrow.

Drained

FINALS ARE FUCKING OVER YEAH THANK GOD.

I haven’t slept in over 48 hours.

I feel so dead.

Contradictions

命ってなんだろう？なぜ私たちは生きているのかな？意味ある？意味ない？意味あっても別に何も変わらない？意味知ってても生き方を変えたくなる？

学校に行っても習いたい物をならえないし習いたくない物も習うしそれをがまんして学校に行き続けたほうがいいのかな？
お金は必要だけど仕事がすごく嫌いでもたようしかないよね。
家族はあってもみんなはなれてたら他人と住んでると同じだよね？
友達と親友あってもその人たちを信用できなかったら敵と同じだよね？
生きててもほかの人たちの迷惑になるんだったら生き物として最低な人だよね？
誰かのことを好きになっても告白できないんだったら何も始まらない。
夢がある事はすばらしいかもしれないけど永遠に叶えない夢だったら願う意味がなくならない？

忘れられたくなくってもあなたは記憶にならないと覚えられなくなるよ。

別に答えを探してるわけじゃないけど、ただ聞きたかった。

But if we stop searching for the answers to our questions, do our existence become meaningless?

Conventional

I’m not much of a convention person. I’ve only been to… One. And I didn’t have fun. At all. I shouldn’t judge all conventions to be like the one I went to though. Cuz the one I went to was a shitty one to begin with. Well anyway, lately, I’ve been checking out BehindInfinity’s DA and just looking around makes me want to go to one. Well, at least one in Asia. They are much more detailed and obsessive about cosplay, which makes it better. I swear, I don’t understand why people who don’t look anything like the actual character would cosplay as them. I don’t think I’d ever cosplay though. Haha, maybe as Hinamori cuz that’s easy and we have the same name. But otherwise, no.

Random tangents…

I’ve been checking out housing at SJSU and holy God, it’s so nice! Now I’m considering dorming if I do go to SJSU cuz it’s so awesome! I want to live in the new Campus Village and in the 4 single bedroom apartment. *_*

I’m looking at UCLA now. It looks nice, but it looks expensive… And wtf, it’s so expensive! And for housing where you share with 2 other people! I dunno if I want to share a room. I am a needy person when it comes to having personal space and time. Hmmm… Maybe a dorm will be better? If I get an apartment, my roommate might be someone who totally sucks and I won’t be able to change it and housing situation might suck badly and I won’t be able to do much about it.

Hmmm… Moving out will be hard. Cuz I have hella stuff in my room currently. I wonder what I’m gonna end up doing… I know my dad won’t live here after Nico and I move out, so what will happen to our stuff…