Who?

Your Existing Situation
Trying to improve her position and prestige. Dissatisfied with her existing circumstances and considers some improvement essential to her self-esteem.

Your Stress Sources
Sensitive and impressionable, prone to absorbing enthusiasms. Seeks an idealized–but so far unfulfilled–situation in which she can share with another a complete accord and mutual depth of understanding. Feels there is a risk of being exploited if she is too ready to trust others and therefore demands proof of their sincerity. Needs to know exactly where she stands in relationships.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but is inclined to be emotionally withdrawn, which prevents her from becoming deeply involved.

Your Desired Objective
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

Your Actual Problem
Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.

Your Actual Problem #2
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.

The Color Quiz




Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Adventurousness – 83.3% 2. Financial Situation – 76.9% 3. Open-Mindedness – 72.7% 4. Varied Interests – 71.4% 5. Kindness – 63.6%	1. Pessimism – 50%

Dating Strengths Explained
Adventurousness – You are willing to try new things and be spontaneous. You want to get out there and really live, and you will attract people with a similar love of life. Financial Situation – You’ve got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid guys who are only interested in your money. Open-Mindedness – You are open to trying new things and entertaining new ideas, and this widens your pool of available guys. Varied Interests – You don’t limit yourself, and that’s a dating asset. Your varied interests make you available and interesting to a wider range of guys. Kindness – You treat other people with empathy and goodwill. This positive trait helps you stand out and draw people into your warmth.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Pessimism – Too much cynicism can be a turn-off. Try to see the brighter side of things and people will be attracted to your positive outlook.
Dating Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz

Hmmm, well they are pretty accurate. I think. It’s interesting that I only have one thing listed for my Dating Weaknesses.

I’m bored.

Bloody Hell

So yesterday, I spent 9 hours or something with Y, Grace, and Melissa, just talking, chilling, playing pool, playing ping pong, and watching “Thank You for Smoking”. It was an okay movie, it’s not as great as a lot of people made it sound like. I’m such a harsh critic when it comes to movies. We were supposed to eat pho with Y’s family, but we didn’t realize how late it was, so we missed it and we just decided to eat dinner at Melissa’s house. We had this awesome Mexican beef stew with Spanish rice and tortilla. It was sooo good…

Then, right after (about 10PM) Betty, Lacy, and Danielle came over to sleepover and we watched Eddie Izzard. It was funny, but not as funny as I thought it would be. “CAKE OR DEATH?” “Babies on a stake…” “…Ciao.” Ciao was my favorite part, hahaha. Those Italians… I want a scooter. We munched on grapes and carrots. It was pretty cool.
We went to Safeway at 3AM, buying random foods because they wanted brownies, but ended up buying muffin, fruit salad, ice cream, and I don’t even remember. It was retarded. We went back home and just talked and talked and talked for a while. Soon, it was just Lacy and I talking until 5:30.

Then we woke up around 10 and talked more, ate breakfast, talked, joked, slutted it up (jay kay), and whatever other nonsense. We decided to go to Farmer’s Market for lunch (aka, just eating tons of free samples) and drop off Danielle on the way because she had to get home.

Farmer’s Market was pretty cool. Just ate so many fruits… And it was so good… Best part was that it was free.

Later today, I’m having my very belated birthday party. Gonna eat sushi, gonna karaoke, gonna… Do other shit… Gonna sleepover… Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome. There’s a lot of people coming. A couple which kinda invited themselves. I’m kinda irked about that, but it’s out of my control. Well, no, it is under my control, but I can’t be like, “WAAAHHH, YOU’RE NOT INVITED” cuz that’d be really immature and bitchy. I’m in college for Christ’s sake. Well, even back in middle school, I wouldn’t have the heart to do it. Anyway, that’s not the point. Chi did a lot of planning and went through all the trouble of putting it together. It just sucks that a couple people may ruin the fun. Oh well, I can suck it up or cry about it.

Man, I fucking hate money. And I hate it when people who have things provided for them complain about money. I just want to tell them to fuck off. Especially people who aren’t even doing anything to help their situation. God, it really pisses me off. “Man, I’m so broke. I can’t buy anymore nice clothes.” Well shit, what do you have to pay for? Nothing, goddamnit. Ugh, it really makes me so angry.

But I just need to chill…

I severely need a job. But no one will hire me for a short period of time. AGH.

Enough of that.

Well, I don’t really have anything else to say, actually.

Saint

I’ve been waiting patiently for Yul’s reply to my email. I know he’s a busy man and everything, but just a notification that he does want to keep in touch like he said he did would mean a great deal to me. I know, I’m a crazy fan. But seriously, if there is anyone in the world that I would really love to be friends with, it would be Yul Kwon. And him being famous and busy and active gives me all the reason to want to be friends with him because I want to cheer him on. I mean, I cheer on for him and all right now, but how awesome would it be to help him out and he would know? Damn dude, that’d really be so great.

I swear, I’m not a psycho fan. I swear I’m not. No, I’m not in denial either. Hahaha.

I’ve been looking for him on MySpace and Facebook, but I don’t know if it’s really him, you know? There’s a lot of fakes.

AGH, I wish he’d reply.

In other news, it’s finals week. It’s driving me insane. Anthropology went okay. The worst I could’ve done is a B. I want an A in that class, but if I got a B, I’d understand. English, yeah, I have no hopes for an A in that class. Worst mistake of my academic life, I must say, to take English 151 online. My hopes are for a B. It makes me so mad that there is a possibility of a C. I work so hard in that class and I do the work with great effort and time put into them. Argh… Art History final is my next and last one. That should be fine, it’s pretty easy. Since art is already an interest of mine, it should be a cinch. (Who says that anymore? Cinch. Jesus.)

Two all-nighters this week. One for Yul, one for Anthropology. XD Yeah… Pretty funny. One was out of dedication, the other was out of… Fear? Procrastination? Feeling of obligation? Well, yeah, whatever.

Today, I played tennis with Betty. It’s been so long since I’ve played tennis with her. And she’s so much fun to talk to. I love Betty. Thank God I’m next in line to marry her! XD Ahahaha. But anyway, yeah. My ankle is kinda sore, but it’s okay. We talked and caught up on a lot of stuff. It was nice. I like having long thoughtful conversations with her. But damn, Berkeley is hella ass-raping her.

Well, tomorrow, I have a study group for Art History. So I guess I should go to bed.

*Sigh*And tomorrow, I hope for Yul’s email…

Yul Kwon ♥♥♥

DUDE.

I JUST MET YUL KWON, THE GUY WHO WON SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS. THE ONE WHO I WROTE ABOUT ALL THE TIME. MY MOST FAVORITE CELEBRITY EVER.

Words cannot describe how happy I am.

What happened was that last night, I was studying for finals and whatnot. Then my dad comes home with a newspaper clipping with a picture of Yul on it. And I think, “What the hell?” And I read it and it says that Yul Kwon will be at the Asian Heritage Street Celebration to promote hepatitis B testing and other testings on May 19 from 11AM to 4PM. And I couldn’t stop shaking. “YUL KWON, IN SAN FRANCISCO?!!” And of course, I made a life goal a while back to meet him and give him a piece of art.

I stayed up all night last night to finish a painting for him. I don’t know why it took 7-8 hours, but it did. I slept for half an hour before getting up to get ready to go meet him. My dad was going to San Francisco anyway, so it was all good. I didn’t want to drive and deal with parking anyway. But we left around 12:30 because I was scanning the image since I am planning to give the original to Yul and because I wanted to make a print for him to autograph for me. Nico asked me to get an autograph for him since he’s going to work, so I grabbed an autograph board. And with my camera and some Sharpies, we left.

It was the longest, most nervewrecking car ride of my life. I was shaking. And each time I went through the tunnels, I held my breath and wished that he would be there when I get there. The newspaper article said he’s there from 11 to 4, but I just wanted it to be true. Parking was annoying, like always. Then I walked the whole length of the festival to find Yul. But of course, at an Asian Festival, it’s very difficult to spot one specific Asian man. The article said he’d be at the hepatitis testing area, so I tried to find it, but it took a couple attempts to finally find it.

I asked a volunteer if Yul Kwon was there. She didn’t seem to know, so she asked a co-worker, but she didn’t even know who Yul Kwon was. Jesus, how could you not know?! Well, anyway, the girl pointed me to the testing building and I asked another girl there if Yul Kwon is inside. And she said, “Uhhh… Maybe. Just go upstairs and to your right.” So I did so and there was a guy wondering why I was cutting this long line of people. I explained that I just wanted to meet Yul Kwon, not get hepatitis shots. Then he asked who that is and I said, “The guy who won Survivor: Cook Islands.” And he was like, “Whoa! He’s here?! Dude, I didn’t even know.” None of the volunteers seemed to have known that he was coming. What the hell. Well, that makes me feel like more of a dedicated fan. Then a senior volunteer came and I asked her if Yul Kwon was there and she said he’s not coming until 2-2:30. It was about 1:45 at the time.

So I waited outside of the building. Since my dad parked in an obscure place, he said he’ll go park somewhere else and he’ll meet me back at the building. So I waited… And waited… A lot of people mistook me for a volunteer since I kept standing around the building. XD Around 2, I noticed I had candy wrappers in my pocket, so I went to throw them away and walked towards the main part of the festival.

And there he was. Yul Kwon, right there. In a nice powder blue shirt, sunglasses, dark blue jeans. He looked a lot better in person. And I stopped like a deer in front of headlights. I started shaking like CRAZY. My thoughts were just running around like insane. “Is that Yul Kwon? Holy God, that is Yul Kwon. Oh god, do I look okay? My painting! Oh yeah, got that. And the prints. And Sharpies. And camera. What the hell am I doing?! GO MEET THE MAN!“

I tried getting his attention, but he went off to talk to the volunteers about the procedures and what he’s supposed to do. And then a lady (perhaps his mom?) noticed me and thought I was a volunteer and asked if I knew some lady. I said no and I told her I don’t work here, I’m just a big fan of Yul’s. She asked if I had a camera or a pen so that she could take pictures of Yul and I and I could get an autograph. She saw the painting of Yul and asked who made it. I told her I did. She was really impressed, so she tried to get Yul’s attention and I tried saying, “Excuse me” to him one more time. He turned around and my god, I felt like I was gonna melt right there. He came up to me and I told him that I was a big fan of his. The lady took a picture and then told Yul to take off his sunglasses. Yul took them off and wow… Better in real life than on TV. I told Yul that I was a big fan of his and showed him the painting. Yul said, “Wow, this is really nice!” and he tried to give it back, but I told him that I wanted to give it to him. So he thanked me and it seemed like he was impressed too. God, I was shaking and couldn’t talk. I gave him a print of it as well and then I asked him to autograph my print. He wrote a really nice message to me and even gave me his email! Wow… Then he signed an autograph board for my brother and then we took pictures. He asked a couple questions about school and stuff, but it seemed like he was busy, since he’s there for the hepatitis testing service. Then this volunteer out of nowhere was kinda interrupting. Haha, I think I caused a sort of commotion. No one seemed to have known that Yul was coming, not even the volunteers. So when people saw me freaking out and melting in Yul’s presence, I suppose the volunteers spread the word around because I told them I was looking for Yul Kwon, winner of Survivor: Cook Islands just 15 minutes ago. I asked for a couple more pictures and he thanked me for the painting and I thanked him for everything.

I totally want to be his friend. I’m so happy to have met him! I will definitely take any and every opportunity to meet him.

I have pictures and I have his autograph… And he hugged me! Wow. I totally want to meet him again and become friends… He is my idol and my hero. I really do look up to him… What an awesome guy…

GO YUL! ♥

Black Black

I think I blog too much.

Anyway, I noticed an interesting thing about myself. When I meet a Japanese person, whether online or in real life, I get way over-excited. And I try to become close friends with them. I thought about this because I just met a Japanese person on DeviantArt and I think I’m trying too hard to impress him. I think it’s because growing up, I hung out with a lot of Asian people in school. But I could never really fit in with them because they had groups of their own. The Vietnamese would associate more closely with other Vietnamese, same with Chinese which the Taiwanese would hang out with cuz they spoke Mandarin, and same with the Koreans. They always had their own conversations in their native languages and that’s cool, I think speaking in your native language is absolutely awesome. But that always left me out cuz I was always the only Japanese person (or the only Japanese person who could speak Japanese) in school. This situation wasn’t so bad in high school cuz most of my friends were “Americanized” and spoke English mostly. But in college, holy Jesus, there are so many Vietnamese, Chinese, Taiwanese, Thai, and Koreans in the group. And they’re all really nice and awesome people, but they always go off in their own little conversation in their native language. I sit there, listening to how nice it sounds, but it doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s kinda lonely. But anyway, yeah, I’m getting more and more used to it. Cuz there’s not much I can do about it and it’s not as big as a deal as I’m making it.

That was a pointless thought.

…I actually did want to write something, but now I completely forgot.

Million Dollar Betrayal

…Survivor.

GODDAMNIT, WHY, DREAMZ?!

Christ, that really crushes me. I believe Dreamz made a bad mistake because he just made a horrible reputation for himself when he was actually well-liked and he became a greedy selfish guy and he took a million dollars away from a guy who deserved it and all for nothing. He would not have won the million dollars even if he kept his promise to Yau-Man or not. He really fucked it up.

BUT, that is Survivor.

I’ll analyze this another time.

I still love Yul Kwon.

Kiku ga Chitteru

Am I patient? Or am I stupid? I think I’m patient. My friends think I’m stupid. And I can’t blame them for thinking I’m stupid. I wish I could prove them wrong, but with the evidence I’m giving them, the answer’s always the same.

“…What are you doing then? Move on.”

Change by Monkey Majik + Yoshida Brothers
You had your wishes but you threw them away
They made you happier for more then one day
But now you’re lost and cannot figure a way
To get outta this lie that comforts you
And you know that I would lie to comfort you

We know your wishes, now get out of the fray
You’ll never change, if you keep running away
A little time, you need to figure a way
‘Cause you know it doesn’t lie in front of you
And you know it doesn’t lie in front of you

I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I want somebody else to lead me now
I said somebody else to lead me now

Brothers on top chasing all the melodies
Never can stop cause it’s a necessity
You like the rhythm of the brothers to make you dance
I think we’re changing the sound of sweet romance
Time to party
Jyuu ni honnoude
Everybody wants to get started
Danka danka dun sweet sounds of shamisen
We’ve got a style when we come on the floor
Lonely nights at your home is kinda long
Even on a small scale, change is possible
We keep saying these things
Don’t even know what they mean
It’s like you’ve never even seen me at the end of the street
Stop troubling, communicate, educate me, sing me a song
You’ll be surprised by how many people want to hear what your saying
I was in the red, which is the same as green (whoo)

I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I want somebody else to lead me now
I said somebody else to lead me now

I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I need a change cause it’s all gone wrong for me
Somebody else to lead me now
I want somebody else to lead me now
I said somebody else to lead me now

Picture Perfect by Monkey Majik + m-FLO
Yeah, Monkey Majik… m-flo
Ya’ already know
Yo kongai, yo sendai
Let’s go

All the time that you were standing by my side
She’s that picture perfect kind
I can’t believe I was so blind
Do you remember that time
You know I stepped across that line
I made you cry and that’s my crime
I wish that I could just rewind

It’s the evening, and you’ve been complaining
About our situation and all my deceiving
I know that everything is going slow
And if you want to feel better
I can tell you that it’s going to be great
Yeah it’s going to be good
Oh! But would I be lying to you

But these days, I’m changing
Meeting new faces
Now, how am I supposed to be?
My feelings for you seem to be changing
Looking back
I don’t look back on me

All the time that you were standing by my side
She’s that picture perfect kind
I can’t believe I was so blind
Do you remember that time
You know I stepped across that line
I made you cry and that’s my crime
I wish that I could just rewind

Inakute mo ii i wanted to be free
Inaku natte mo ii I wanted her to leave
It’s kind of hard to see … when the world tunnel-visioned me
Motometeta ai no katachi
They say believe in what you can’t see
Demo mawari no candy ga sweet de hard to think
Atama de wa comprehend shite mo koudou ni utsusen
My eyes on the rikutsu, the truth’s here listen
Chase shite mo chase shite mo things keep fleeting
Henna yumemite ta i must have been sleeping
Tooku samayou maeni chikaku wo seek it
Yoku mite mireba kokoro ni wa beacon
Of light sashite, sagashite ta thing’s here
Omotta yori near, close to your hemisphere
Imade wa clear 20/20 cuz i’mma share
Subete and i don’t care if they think i’m weird
There, there nobody thinks you’re weird
Ya see, I’ve been through it all before
And the same thing happened to me
Kinishi nai “wounds heal with time”
But in the meanwhile…
I’ll show what I mean
Let’s think of it another way
Everything we do and say defines who we are
As we live out each day
What we did was wrong at the time
But it helps us go back and rewind
It’s a mistake but it ain’t no crime
Kasanariau no sa tsumari sore ga ai

All the time that you were standing by my side
Yeah, she’s that picture perfect kind
I can’t believe i was so blind
Do you remember that time
You know I stepped across that line
I made you cry and that’s my crime
I wish that I could just rewind

I said goodbye
I didn’t know that it would all turn out this way
But now I know I realize
And I can learn from my mistakes

But these days, I’m changing
Meeting new faces
How am I supposed to be?
My feelings for you seem to be changing
Looking back
I don’t look back on me

All the time that you were standing by my side
She’s that picture perfect kind
I can’t believe I was so blind
Do you remember that time
You know I stepped across that line
I made you cry and that’s my crime
I wish that I could just rewind

Monkey Majik
From a sendout to the worl’
Ya’ll already know

- – - – - – - – - – - – - -

I’ve kept optimism in my decisions. I know who I am. I know what I want out of my life.

But I’m starting to reconsider my own judgment. What if I am the stupid one?

Wilting Chrysanthemums

Hanabira no you ni chiriyuku naka de
Yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
Aishiatte, kenkashite, ironna kabe futari de norikoete
Umarekawatte mo, anata no soba de
Hana ni narou

Eh. Man. I’m pissed.

Sympathy. Empathy.

What is wrong with me? Maybe I just don’t like getting attention.

Summer…