Stand Still

30 04 2007

I got an email yesterday from Y. In it, there was an IM conversation from my 15th birthday.

Dang, I was one pathetically depressed 15 year old. But magically, I got over that phase and became an optimistic and happy high school student.

But I’m afraid I’m reverting to my old self again. Except this time, I do have bigger things to be depressed about, so I don’t feel that bad. Oh well, whatever, I should just get over it, but I dwell sometimes.

Yesterday didn’t really feel like it was anything special. I don’t really care, I didn’t want to make it special. But I guess I was stupidly expecting people to be excited for me and making me feel good about being 19. And a couple of my friends did do that, but then some of them were distracted by other things and it almost felt like they used my birthday as an excuse to take time off and celebrate or do whatever they did. I like equality and I wish I would get treated the same way I treat others. But it doesn’t happen in reality.

I suppose this is also a part of growing up.





19

30 04 2007

Happy birthday to me.

I’m in a bad mood.

My birthday was pretty good and all.

But I’m not feeling well.





Constellations

28 04 2007

I’m at Y’s dorm, chilling. We haven’t eaten yet. But I’m not that hungry, so it’s okay… But my stomach feels kinda funny. It’s been feeling weird since Olive Garden last night. I think it was the salad.

Later on, we’re going to Bodega Bay to hang out at the beach. I think I’m going to the beach tomorrow too. But uhhh… I have to do my term project for Art History. Damn, the semester is ending and I just wanna have free time to do fun stuff, but there’s so much homework. And I need a job, but my mom won’t let me. It’s so annoying…

Yesterday, Khoi picked me up to go to Sonoma State to visit Y. We talked about backpacking all around Japan someday and that’d be fun. Hahaha. Then we got to Sonoma and Khoi missed the turn that Y and I reminded him about. We went to Olive Garden to eat dinner, but before I left, dad made me eat some of the import curry he brought home from Japan, so I wasn’t hungry. But I ate breadsticks and salad and then Khoi kept giving me food… XD Haha, then we went to the observatory to look at the stars. It was amazing! Wow, space is so fascinating! I love science… Yeah, we looked at Saturn and it was crazy trippy! Like, it just didn’t seem real. It really did look like some kind of sticker on the telescope. And it was really bright. We also looked at the moon, close up. It was sweet. Then we looked at distant galaxies and star clusters and stuff. Wow… Unfortunately though, there was a lot of light pollution and the moon was bright and there were some clouds. The Astronomy teacher is awesome. He knows a lot. And he likes anime. XD He was using this green laser pointer and accidently pointed it at an airplane and was like, “And this is… Oh, oops, it’s a plane.” And that’s not good because it irritates the pilot and it could get him in trouble. It was bad… But it was pretty funny. :) We looked at more star clusters and we wanted to see Venus, but it was right above the horizon and the telescope didn’t reach. We listened in on astronomy lectures and looked at galaxies that are on their way of colliding. It was pretty neat.

Then we went back to Y’s dorm and just chilled out. Talked about random things, doodled, messed around on the computers and stuff.

We came back from brunch and it was really good, but I had a lot of food on my plate. It was difficult, but I proved everyone wrong by eating everything. :) It was pretty awesome, but now I’m full. It’s okay, I’ll burn all of this off at the beach today. Woo! :D

Okay, I think we’re leaving soon.

Brb.





Funktastic

24 04 2007

slowdown

by Rip Slyme

甘えたっていいいいいんじゃない?
何を張り合うの?
甘えるだけ甘えて
さよなら ヤケの酒
ゆがんだ all flavor

脱 世間の慣習
セレブな休日!?
視聴率ランキング!?
What!! どうでもいいや
えーじゃないか えーじゃないか
ゴミの分別してる
それだけで偉いじゃないか
地球に優しい 人に優しい
自分に優しい 女に優しい
夜はやらしい

メローがドレスコード
笑顔と幸 マメにブロー
でも乱れる君の美貌
追われるぐらいなら捨てちまうさ希望を
踏み慣れた道はずす1本

Slowにslowにslowにdown
ダラダラリダラリダラリDown
We going, going, going down
ユラユラリユラリユラリDown
(×2)

Chill out!! みんな目覚ましなYO!
ほらビザールなオレ様来ましたYO!
YO! カッカッすんなオレらのスピードで
乗ればいいさ今夜はこんなビートで
まっそんな焦ったって始まらんでしょ
もったいぶって盛り上がんでしょ?
イッちゃったんなら始めっから
Slowdown 段々とdown
ぶち込みな世界のケツの穴に
はめてやれヤツらを君の罠に
このSoundと落ちてゆくゆるやかに
Slowにslowにslowにdown

Ah~ha
目覚めのスローシットかけて
和んだ天気もいいし
また Take it easy なんて調子
ゆったりまったり遅めのモーニング
窓の外からフレッシュな風
部屋に取り込んだらまた上がるだけ
あとはまた新しいGood day
始まって走りたいGo my way
(Got a go! Got a go!)ちょっと待って
誰も(邪魔の出来ない)
この場所イヤもう
(Here we go! Here we go!)
合図はおあずけ それまでここで

Slowにslowにslowにdown
ダラダラリダラリダラリDown
We going, going, going down
ユラユラリユラリユラリDown
(×2)

アララララ
よしなさいって よしなさいって
まぁまぁ落ち着いて チルチル
吸って吸って吐いて スゥスゥハァ
酒クセ一息でいつものように
呑み過ぎ 次の日
意外なアーリーモーニング
三文の得程度じゃイヤイヤ
俺はまだまだレイドバックしていてぇなぁ
夢ん中もぐってりゃメデテェーや
でも徐々にこの記憶ごとフェイドアウト
なくなりそう なくならねぇ
今日もグラスなみなみついでくれ
まわるまわるフロー
まわれまわれブレイク
slowにローリング
落ちてく フォーリン

slowに ダラダラ
We going ユラリユラリ flow
Rolling フラフラにフォール
ただ落ちてく落ちてく
不埒な気持ちで
(×3)





Kissing It Won’t Make It Go Away

22 04 2007

I’m pissed at how some people don’t really care about what they do to other people can really hurt them. What the fuck is wrong with you jackasses? Don’t you see how they are blatantly in pain in front of your eyes and you’re the cause of it? God, I seriously hope karma gives you what you deserve and then some because when you have a close relationship with someone, you don’t just dump them because it’s inconvenient or because things are different. Especially when that person needs you and your support. You can’t just have someone give you their everything and not give them anything, not even your care, as repayment.

I’m so fucking pissed.

Think about how your actions affect the people around you

And all I can do now is be a good friend.

Damn, these days, I just can’t keep my mouth shut like I used to. What happened to my patience that rivals that of a saint? It’s long gone now. Sometimes, I like this new me. I don’t let myself get stepped on (as much), but I miss how good-natured I was. Sacrifices has to be made for changes, I guess.





It’s Raining on Skulls

18 04 2007

Disaster!

No more work, so I don’t have to get up so stupidly early in the morning. But of course, something else will instead. My brother knocks on my door, saying he needs a ride to school. I’m cranky because I go to bed at 4 or 5AM, so with only 3 hours of sleep, I tell him to shut up and get mom to drive him instead. But something about mom not willing to drive him got me to get up and ask her to drive him, since she’s getting out of the house around the same time anyway, so why not save a trip and some gas? (Cuz my car is dangerously low at that point.) Then she says she is willing, so then my brother gets all pissed because she was lying and they start yelling and my brother is throwing a really unnecessary tantrum and I can’t get back to sleep for another hour.

Then I wake up and it’s frikkin 12:11PM! My Art History class starts at 12:40 and I still need to finish the essay! So I quickly finish the essay, take a shower, and head out the door. I was late to class by almost 20 minutes. But thank God for Dada day! Well… Sorta, it was a really wacky atmosphere in the class, but everyone was just kinda doing their own thing. I was able to slip in my essay before the teacher took it away so that no one could turn it in late. We all did some crazy Dada presentations. My group was assigned with making a poem out of random newspaper headline clippings. One that I was pretty proud of was, “Pope declares a mandatory drug lords fight to the death”. XD Hahaha. The first presentation was Ms. Loft reading a really crazy jibberish poem with a student dancing in front of her and two guys behind her, having a battle with balled up newspapers and using umbrellas as shields. XD It was REALLY hilarious. The dancing student and Ms. Loft thought we were laughing at them, but no, we were all watching the intense fight between the two dudes. The guy on the left definitely won that battle. Each time we applaused, we said, “Dada” and there were a couple guys who kept yelling out, “It’s raining skulls!” at occasion. I think it was part of the Dada act? One guy was going around the class, guessing how much each person’s outfit was worth. He didn’t have enough time to ask me, but I thought about it, and everything I was wearing, including footwear, probably amounted to $32.50, give or take a few dollars. XD

Well, that was the most interesting Art History class I’ve ever been to. I need to be more on time in there… I swear, I’ve been late to more than half the classes.

2-D Art Fundamentals was boring as usual. It actually dragged on longer than normal class time. We’ve started on an assignment where we can use any media and we can draw whatever we want, it was just that we could only color it with tertiary monochromatic colors. So when I ran out of the house to get to school, I brought the new Orange Range self titled album CD jacket, figuring that I could draw Ryo. He was looking pretty debonair, but he was wearing huge sunglasses… Ah well. I think it turned out pretty damn good so far. As long as I don’t fuck up on the background, it should go well.

The image “http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/KuroiRyu/RyoWIP.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

Unfortunately, it’s only 6″x6″.

On the way home, I remembered my gas is low, but I have no cash, so I went to the bank to cash my last Borders paycheck to get some gas money. However, when I was leaving, the teller asks if I have a checking account. And I’ve wanted one, but I just wanted to wait until I had enough money to have a good account. So I said I’ll sign up another time, but she convinced me otherwise, so now, I have a checking account. But there’s really not anything in there… *Sigh* I need a job to remedy that.

I bought gas and I came home, did some homework, but gave up and finished watching Survivor: Pearl Islands and watched the newest Survivor on OnDemand. AGH, WHY MICHELLE?! Shit, I’m so pissed about that. Dreamz really screwed over him and Mookie. But! He may not be so bad… Tomorrow’s episode will be entertaining…

Man, this weekend will be busy. AP Art show on Saturday! :D I’m definitely there.





At One’s Expense

17 04 2007

Damnit! The shorts I’ve had for… Several years, they have finally been worn out. The seams of the cargo pocket ripped. : ( It makes me sad because these shorts and I have been through many adventures together. It’s beyond repair, so I guess I’ll uhhh… Do something crafty with it. I do like the cargo pockets a lot.

I love cargo shorts! Argh. Too bad they aren’t in style like they used to.

So, I’m pretty content. Except for my really crazy sleeping habits and reluctance to do homework, but everything else seems a-okay. I need to get going on that 3 page Modern Art History essay… Mother trucker.

UNFORGIVABLE.

Happiness comes at a price though. I don’t have a steady flow of money, but I don’t know if I immediately want to go and get a new job. If I work at Nordstrom, I won’t have any weekends. But that does give me time in the weekdays to chill. If I work at Best Buy, I’ll be working a lot of late shifts. Which I’m kinda okay with. At least I won’t be stuck with mornings. Nordstrom takes about 15 minutes to drive to. Best Buy takes 5. Nordstrom pays $10.85 and Best Buy pays something like $9.50. I dunno what I should do. That reminds me, I still have the parking permit for Borders… Ahahaha.

I forgot to cash my last Borders check again. Damnit, I really need to do that tomorrow because my car is running on very little gas. Or I could just take my dad’s truck. But I think he didn’t put a lot of gas in the truck either. XD

Money sucks.

I used to hate how my hands look. Don’t ask because it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either, but they’re small and my nails are small, which make me think my fingers are short. Well, they are, but it’s normal for my hand size. Now, I’m okay with how they look. One thing bothers me though, my right pinky finger can’t move without the ring finger moving along with it. I can do it on my left hand no problem, but my right hand… Damnit. My left hand is much more delicate and skilled than my right.

Okay okay… Essay… I feel like taking a shower though.





Huzzah

17 04 2007

Unusual! I don’t normally post non-survey consecutive entries this late at night!

But I was drawing when I should’ve been doing homework at 4:30 in the morning.

The image “http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/KuroiRyu/KTCo-Pilot.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

It’s Katie, the uhhh… Paperchase Supervisor at Borders. :)





Grown Kidz

16 04 2007

I love that new song by Soul’d Out. I just love Soul’d Out in general. I think it’s in part because it reminds me of that one boy. Soul’d Out’s Alive album was the first thing he ever gave me.

Haha, it feels kinda silly. All the little things that remind me of him makes me smile. Like while I was in Japan, I drank an Oronamin C and I wanted to say, “Hachu rachu? Of course!” to him. And then when I went to the Jump Store, there were so many things that I knew he’d like (and ended up buying… XD) It’s crazy. In a week and one day, it will mark our one year. I mean, seriously, I’ve had a lot of short relationships, so I didn’t get my hopes high so that I don’t end up all mopey and stupid. But wow… It’s astonishing!

That’s also part of the reason why I rarely ever mentioned him in this online journal or in public in general. I feel kinda bad about it now that I think about it, but oh well. It’s not something for the rest of the world to know about anyway. He’s my special one and only.  And I want to keep him all to myself. XD

I like being independent and feelings of attachment can be a hassle, but really, I don’t know what I’d do without him.





Home Sweet Home

15 04 2007

It’s good to be back.

Not really.

My phone broke while I was in Japan. So I was afraid I’d have to buy a new one altogether, but nope, Cingular replaced my SmartChip for free. : ) Good thing too because I have no money whatsoever. I had 1,000 yen, but haha, that doesn’t even amount to $10.

I got so tired around 4 and I just fell asleep while reading a new manga I bought.

So now I’m wide awake.

I’m bored.

I’m cranky.

I wanna go read mangas. But I have homework.