Oh man, less than two weeks until I go to Japan! I am craving for the trip… I just miss it like crazy.
In other news… Not much else is new. Work sucks. A lot. And I should’ve put my last day much earlier than the 4th. But whatever. I have to work on that Cultural Anthropology essay, but I dunno if it actually is due next class.
I want summer. NOW.
There’s only 2 and a half months left of school. : ( That friggin sucks.
For some reason, it feels like people are withholding information from me.
I don’t really get it.
If there’s something you know about me or something you want to say to me, then don’t keep your mouth shut. I’ll respect the fact that you’re being honest to me.
What is going on?
Don’t mind the title, for some reason, I was trying to find some cool way to scramble the letters to spell out plan and then it reminded me of the spelling for “napalm”…
…Yeah.
Anyway…
April 6: Leaving to go to Japan.
April 7: Arriving at Narita, go to Tokyo.
April 8: At Aunt’s house.
April 9: At Aunt’s house. Probably gonna go to explore around Tokyo if I have time and definitely visit Suidobashi, maybe go to Ueno, maybe venture around Shibuya. Then leave to Yokohama to go to grandma’s.
April 10: Hang out with the family, go to Yokohama with cousins to do some crazy karaoke and just chill out with cousins.
April 11: If the above doesn’t happen, then it will happen here. If not, maybe I will venture on my own through the train system and travel around Tokyo or Yokohama. Or hang out with Chillman.
April 12: Maybe hang out with Chillman or venture about by myself or hang out with the family..
April 13: Maybe hang out with Chillman or venture about by myself to visit some family.
April 14: …Something happens here along with packing.
April 15: Pack up and go home to America. :(
Wow, this plan is not planned out at all.
I’ll figure this out later.
16 DAYS UNTIL I GO TO JAPAN!
I’m severely sad that it’ll only be for a week. But I’m severely sad about leaving too. But it’ll only be for a week! I’ll probably be back before you (and I) realize. Which might be unfortunate cuz I really miss Japan.
CHILLMAN, let’s chill. XD
In other news, I finished reading the Marcel Duchamp chapter of my Art History book and I definitely agree with his philosophy, even though I don’t really quite follow it. Art is nothing to the artist. The artist is just a medium. What makes art what it is, is the spectator. What the spectator interprets, what they think of it, shapes the piece. Though it is a harsh and shocking way to look at art, it is true. Nothing is famous without the audience. Duchamp also believes that being rich is no good because you’re tied down to trying to find the all sorts of materials to buy while being poor is masochistic and therefore, both are equally stupid. The best spot to be in is to have enough to not be a concern, but not too much to not work, plus 10 per cent.
What a revolutionary.
And now, to learn more about the Eugenics movement…
I forgot today was St. Patrick’s Day. I always forget.
A lot of people at work were gonna pinch me, but luckily, I had a small bit of green on my shirt and I used it like garlic on a vampire. “DON’T, NO, STOP! I HAVE GREEN ON!!!” But it was kinda awkward cuz it just so happened to be on the chest area, so I kept pointing there and people kept pointing at it and we all looked at it. XD
Beginning of work was really awful. I don’t want to get into the details of it, but I got a warning from the management. I felt pretty bad and I was really angry about who it could’ve been that got me in trouble. I had a pretty good guess of who, but I was still questioning it. Then, guess who, Liz came by about my RPL and said that she was concerned with the “issue” that I had and that’s all I needed. I knew it was Liz who blabbed because she pretty much admitted it, so I was okay after that. After that, I just let it loose and it didn’t bother me anymore.
But all of my co-workers were so awesome. :) Aw, it made me so happy. Although it was kinda weird, it was great. Santi complimented on my legs and said that they were kinda ashy (cuz I’m lazy about lotion) but they’re nice and I’m a cute low-maintenance girl. XD And then Matt kept hugging me and blowing me kisses and said I was hot. Hahaha, that was kind of a wtf, but lots of love. I chilled with Amelia and Byron a lot. I named one of the Borders spring bunnies (or “ostrich” as Byron calls them) after Alex and named it “Sterling”. Hahaha. And there was this goddamn fat nerd sitting in the middle of the sci-fi/fantasy section that I was RPLing and I couldn’t effing get through!!! I even trash talked about him to Tomoko in Japanese and we were joking about it. Hahaha. I think he got the message and got up, but only to move to the next shelf over. *Sigh*
I didn’t really talk to Alex today. Weird. Ah well, I had fun without him. Dude, Chris Sugi, he’s gonna work at Borders, on the IPT team, just like me!! Whoa, that is so crazy… He is definitely hired though. That’s awesome. Ahahaha, a newb on the team! :) I’m excited. I wonder if Jonathan and Alex will make fun of him too… But I’m thinking Chris will join them in making fun of me. D:
I hate the genre section, so much… Stupid mysteries, stupid sci-fi, STUPID ROMANCE.
After work, I got my $25 gift certificate for being mentioned by a customer who absolutely thought I was great because I found a book for him on grilled cheese sandwiches… XD? Anyway, with that money, I bought The Master Puppeteer, my most favorite book that I read in middle school and “The Burmese Harp”, my most favorite WWII movie. I was contemplating over getting perhaps “Gandhi” or a Studio Ghibli movie, but I remembered that the DVD version of “The Burmese Harp” came out in March and it just so happens to be March, so I went to find it and there it was… It was glorious and I bought it and I’m happy.
I got home and my mom wanted me to go hiking with her. So I did for a little while. Fairfax was crowded with hippies and some homebrew fest. Hahaha. It wasn’t too bad. I didn’t really talk with her, so no tension. On the hike back, I heard little mice, so I stood and watched these cute little mice scurry like cars on nos gas. It was crazy and they were so cute… I love mice.
I got home and I was planning to watch my new DVD, but I ended up watching the rest of Survivor: All Stars up until the end. I hated that Rob and Amber ended up being the final two. But the proposal was really sweet. But the tribal council was so brutal and emotional. Crazy!
And I’m tired.
Alright, I’m tired of writing entries about being miserable.
Let’s take a 180 degree turn.
I’ll just tell my day how it was.
Well, for some reason, I kept waking up in the middle of the night. Well, I don’t really consider 3AM+ is night anymore, but anyway, I know I had really strange dreams, but I can’t remember them. I just remember one where I was standing at a harbor, looking out into this beautiful, almost tropical ocean. And I just stood there, as if I were waiting for something. And then a boat came and I was told to get on it, so I did, but I just kept looking back at the harbor that I was standing on because this boat wasn’t what I was waiting for.
Then I went to work. Liz is getting on my case about my schedule because I’m listed for 6AM and she doesn’t want people to think that I’m constantly one hour late to work everyday. But honestly, I don’t care and the managers don’t really care, so who cares? But I guess I’ll talk to Patrick. I cannot do 6AM because I’m a frikkin full time student with extra curricular activies and many other obligations. It’s not possible. And if Patrick denies it again, I’ll quit. Cuz I can’t stand their stupid inability to understand.
Anyway, I was RPLing today. (Taking old products off the shelves.) I actually did really well. Normally, I take very long because I’m a thorough person, I don’t like to scan through things and move on. I found things fairly quickly and I kept moving. Deanna and Aidan were shelving reference carts, which I am both happy and unhappy with. I’m happy because now I don’t have to shelve them. I’m unhappy because they might’ve messed with the organization. Not so worried about Aidan, he’s really good at shelving like a damn pro. But Deanna’s not very organized, so I’m a little concerned… I guess I’ll have to check it tomorrow.
Deanna is a very interesting person. She jokes around and insults people a lot, but she doesn’t mean it. And she constantly flicks me off and then smiles. Hahaha, I like her a lot. Jonathan was wearing a ridiculous Norwegian Black Metal shirt that he ordered back in November and it finally came in. XD
I wasn’t really feeling well (again) at work, so I mostly tried to work by myself. Alex showed his face every once in a while to tease me and Jonathan kept calling me Playstation, again. When I was going home, Santi was wondering if I was sick. I must’ve looked really horrible. Lorenzo was like, “You’re going home already? I barely saw you today” in a sort of annoyed tone. Don’t give me that crap, you have time on your hands to work full shifts, I don’t.
I really miss Larry. :(
Tomorrow is Saturday, which means an 8-hour shift, but it also means a chill day at work. I like working on Saturdays. Very few IPT people, so no one really cares if you’re being productive or not, kinda busy so time passes fairly quickly, and I can just talk with Alex about mundane things.
Payday was today, so after work, I went to deposit/cash my check and then went to the Rowland Plaza to go shopping for some necessities. I went to Old Navy first because I wanted a summer dress, like they advertised on the commercials, but when I got there, there were only two summer dresses and they were over $30. :( I was really sad because I really wanted the dress that the Asian girl was wearing in the commercial. But instead, I bought navy blue and gray with Palm Beach patterned flip flops ($5!! I love Old Navy flip flops) and a polo shirt that was on sale. Then I went to Target to buy some bras and I searched for a summer dress too. But they didn’t have any. It’s not early for summer dresses! This is California, goddamnit. I looked around at the swimsuits too, but none of them stood out to me. I like the ones I have now anyway. And I really wanted some new shorts, so I got a pair of khaki bermuda shorts. I spent about $45 today… Goddamnit, I’m trying to save, but it’s not working. I want more clothes!!! I want that summer dress!!!
Then I came home and I was really sleepy. So I took a nap and it felt really refreshing because I left my backyard door open, so there was a nice warm breeze. I got up around 5, but I was still really sleepy, so I took another nap at 6.
Now, I feel like painting or something. But I’m getting sleepy again.
Oh well. I’ll just draw for a couple hours and then go to bed.
I got a little boost today. I gave blood and it really is so rewarding. With one pint of blood that you give, you can save three lives… Wow. That’s amazing. I’m gonna go donate again in 2 months.
But I’m really swamped with my daily routine. I just want to take a breather and chill out, but I can’t. I need to make enough money to pay off the debt I have and have enough to support myself until summer and then quit Borders, but with the paycheck I get, that will take a long time… I’ll just have to be very frugal with my money for the next month.
When is the Phi Theta Kappa membership application due anyway? Can you just turn it in whenever you want to? Weird.
*Sigh* I can’t wait until Spring Break… I can’t wait until summer…
I am driving myself crazy.
Absolutely everything around me reminds me of Japan. I was walking through this corridor and it reminded me of this one time when I was exploring Yokohama. The smell of the wet concrete after a steady rain reminds me of the wet season of summer in Japan. The slightest little things just remind me of Japan and it makes me want to go back so badly. I don’t hate America or anything, I like it here in California. But Japan is the second home that I never got to spend much time in.
The nostalgic smells really make me miss it.
I want to go back…
I’m getting sick of the people that constantly bother me. I’m getting sick of people wanting everything from me. I’m getting sick of losing the things that are so dear to me. I’m getting sick of all the effort I put into everything… When will it stop? I just want a break, I just want to drop all these obligations and do things for my sake and spend some time for myself. I can’t waste my life on wanting.
I can’t hold on for much longer.
I just keep slipping.
I’ve lost a lot of motivation.
Don’t be surprised if I’ve started to give up on different things. I don’t have the will to continue with them.
Screw the world, fuck life.
[Edit] Don’t give me pity, don’t comfort me, don’t give me hugs, don’t give me words of advice. I feel worse when people do that. Just leave it as it is and we’ll all be okay.
